BREAKING NEWS: Tunisian president Ben Ali will be reelected for a fifth term. Now I know the election has yet to take place, but I have been following the polls really, really closely and I want to be ahead of the curve. I may eventually be wrong, but I feel confident in writing that Ben Ali will win his sought after fifth term.

I will even go as far as to make a numerical prediction. I estimate that Ben Ali will get somewhere in the range of 99.2-99.5% of the vote. I am not the only one making such a prediction.

“The polls are close, and this was been one of the most suspenseful Tunisian election in decades, Ben Ali has been hammered by the opposition, but the incumbent remains strong and I predict that he will be reelected,” stated University of Tunis government professor Hassan Ben Talal.

He added, “But who knows? We won’t finally know until the polls close, of course, and Tunisian elections are known for their unpredictability.”

He is right, I mean the 2004 elections had us all staying up late into the night in a nail-bitter of an election. Ben Ali managed to win that one too. An upset cannot be ruled out, but I still think Ben Ali will win.

If reelected, the early-70s president will most likely not seek reelection for a sixth term - to the great sadness of Tunisians, no doubt. So what will the 2014 election have in store? Tunisia: Get ready for Leila Ben Ali.

The First Lady is known to have aspirations for high office and has experience in managing a hair salon. I mean, imagine the decisions she had to make on shampoo purchases it is almost like making foreign policy decisions.

For now, the nest five years of Ben Ali will be no different from the preceding 22: tyranny, familial thievery, torture, and dull dull dull.